I am pissed off. Or more accurately pooped off. But that just doesn’t sound right.
You see, I have a serious problem. Whenever I poop, I inevitably have to plunge to get my toilet to flush.
About a year ago I decided to listen to a guy named Robert Scott Bell and nullify the FDA approved pharmaceutical monopoly on healing in my personal life by using silver hydrosol, aloe juice, and a daily dose of chia seeds among a host of other things to improve my health – none of which are FDA approved for medicinal use. It’s all worked beautifully except for this one pesky problem. My poor government-approved toilet just cannot cope with a colon that functions like greased lightning (pun fully intended).
In 1992, the Energy Policy and Conservation Act was passed that banned 3.5 gallon toilets in favor of toilets using only 1.6 gallons.
Maybe it was all a plot to force Americans to get into shape. As a result, I now get my daily workout by spending up to 5 minutes at a time, plunging vigorously with all my might trying to get my infernal government-approved toilet to flush. Who knew plunging was such great cardio?
Perhaps it’s a government initiative to subsidize the plunger industry. Or maybe it was bought and paid in political contributions from the pressure washer industry, because to be honest I’m beginning to think that’s what it’s going to take to get the blasted thing to flush properly.
It’s driving me bonkers.Details