I am pissed off. Or more accurately pooped off. But that just doesn’t sound right.
You see, I have a serious problem. Whenever I poop, I inevitably have to plunge to get my toilet to flush.
About a year ago I decided to listen to a guy named Robert Scott Bell and nullify the FDA approved pharmaceutical monopoly on healing in my personal life by using silver hydrosol, aloe juice, and a daily dose of chia seeds among a host of other things to improve my health – none of which are FDA approved for medicinal use. It’s all worked beautifully except for this one pesky problem. My poor government-approved toilet just cannot cope with a colon that functions like greased lightning (pun fully intended).
In 1992, the Energy Policy and Conservation Act was passed that banned 3.5 gallon toilets in favor of toilets using only 1.6 gallons.
Maybe it was all a plot to force Americans to get into shape. As a result, I now get my daily workout by spending up to 5 minutes at a time, plunging vigorously with all my might trying to get my infernal government-approved toilet to flush. Who knew plunging was such great cardio?
Perhaps it’s a government initiative to subsidize the plunger industry. Or maybe it was bought and paid in political contributions from the pressure washer industry, because to be honest I’m beginning to think that’s what it’s going to take to get the blasted thing to flush properly.
It’s driving me bonkers.
The FTC could ban all radio shows that advocate doing things that could improve the health of people’s colons, especially if it involves methods not developed by the pharmaceutical companies who pay the FDA to approve their drugs.
But of course all this overlooks the most important question. What business does the federal government have regulating our toilets anyway?
The word toilet doesn’t show up anywhere in the Constitution. Neither does the concept of water conservation, or anything remotely resembling something that could be construed to give Congress the authority to come anywhere near our toilets.
So what options are we left with, operating some sort of toilet black market? Or the never-ending saga of poop and plunge? Yuck!
Sometimes we forget that when the federal government violates the Constitution, it affects everyone’s day to day lives. It’s not just some guy in a state far away having his rights violated, this kind of toilet tyranny trickles down to all of us. You and me. Every single day.
It’s time to nullify this toilet tyranny on every issue, not just toilets. This is why the work of the Tenth Amendment Center is so important. When the federal government oversteps its boundaries, we don’t have to put up with their crap! It is up to us to
flush nullify these ridiculous laws at the state level.
We must hold our federal and state politicians to this standard, “The Constitution, every issue, every time, no exceptions, no excuses.”
Or else we’re doomed to poop and plunge eternally, and not just with our toilets.
Author’s Note: A special thanks to Matthew Silber for the great cartoon. Click here to visit his web site.